Stop Falling in Love with Who He Could Be (And Look at Who He Is Right Now)

Let’s pull up a chair and pour something strong, because we need to discuss an epidemic that is plaguing smart women everywhere.

I call it "Project Manager Syndrome."

You meet a guy. The reality is... okay. Maybe he’s a little inconsistent. Maybe his career is "in transition" (for the third year running). Maybe he communicates like a malfunctioning fax machine from 1998.

But instead of looking at the reality standing in front of you, you pull out your imaginary hard hat and blueprints. You look at his "potential." You see the good bones. You think, "With a little direction, some patience, and my magical influence, he could be amazing."

Girl, stop. You are looking for a partner, not a fixer-upper property on HGTV.

The Trap of "Potential"

Falling for potential is intoxicating because "potential" has no flaws. The imaginary future version of him is perfect. He’s ambitious, emotionally intelligent, and texts you back within five minutes.

The problem is, you aren't dating the imaginary future version. You are dating the current version who just left you on read for two days because he was "busy gaming."

When you date potential, you aren't in a relationship with a human being; you are in a relationship with your own imagination. And baby, your imagination can't cuddle you at night.

The Crucial Question

I need you to be painfully honest with yourself right now.

If he changed absolutely nothing—if who he is today, with all his current habits, job situation, emotional availability, and communication style, is exactly who he will be for the next fifty years—would you still sign up for that?

If your answer starts with "Yes, but only if he..." or "No, but I know he's going to..." then the answer is NO.

You cannot build a real future on the foundation of someone else's "maybe someday."

The Takeaway

It is not your job to rehabilitate a grown man into boyfriend material. It is not your job to be the gentle nudge that finally gets him to get his act together.

Pay attention to patterns, not promises. Apologies mean nothing if the behavior doesn't change.

Date the reality. If the reality isn't good enough, no amount of "potential" is going to save it.

Take My Advice or Not, The Consulting Chick