Unfiltered Truths I Wish Someone Told Me in My 20s… But Here We Are

Your 20s are loud, confusing, and full of people who have no business giving you advice — but give it anyway. Your 30s and 40s? That’s when life finally hands you the clarity you needed ten years ago… just a little late, like a package that got lost at the post office but eventually showed up.

These are the truths I wish someone had whispered in my ear back when I was trying to figure out who I was, what I wanted, and why everyone else seemed to be doing life with a cheat code. If you’re reading this in your 20s — bless you, this might save you some trouble. If you’re reading this later? You’re right on time.

Let’s get into it.

1. Stop shrinking to make other people feel comfortable. They’ll be uncomfortable anyway.

This is the number-one mistake most women make in their 20s:

making themselves smaller to fit other people’s comfort levels.

You dim your personality so a partner doesn’t feel intimidated.

You downplay your dreams so your friends don’t think you’re “doing too much.”

You lower your standards because someone told you they were “unrealistic.”

And the gag is?

Even when you shrink, people will STILL project, misunderstand, envy, or judge you.

So you may as well be your full self — loudly, unapologetically, way too much if that’s who you are. The right people will adjust. The wrong ones will exit. Both outcomes help you.

2. Your intuition is not a suggestion — it’s a survival skill.

You know that little inner voice you used to ignore?

The one that sounded like, “Hmm… something’s off here”?

Listen to it.

Women are trained to second-guess their instincts because we’re taught to be “nice,” “agreeable,” and “not too dramatic.” But that instinct? It’s ancient. It’s biological. It’s your built-in warning system.

When your intuition speaks —

• Pay attention.

• Slow down.

• Reassess.

• Act accordingly.

Ignoring your intuition always costs more than listening to it.

3. Dating isn’t confusing. People just don’t like telling the truth.

Here’s an uncomfortable but liberating truth:

People are as consistent as their intentions.

If he wants to, he will.

If he doesn’t, he won’t.

If he’s confused, he’ll confuse you.

If he’s clear, everything feels easy.

Your 20s try to convince you that dating is complicated.

Your 30s and 40s teach you that honesty is simple — it’s people who choose chaos.

Stop decoding mixed signals.

Stop trying to be the exception.

Stop thinking effort is optional.

You deserve clarity without begging for it.

4. Friendships will change — and that’s not betrayal, it’s evolution.

Some friendships expire naturally.

That doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend or they are; it just means your paths were meant to cross for a season, not a lifetime.

Proximity friendships often define your 20s:

• coworkers

• roommates

• classmates

• clubbing friends

• “we’re always outside” friends

As you grow, your values shift.

Your habits shift.

Your priorities shift.

People either grow with you or grow apart.

Both are okay.

Friendship breakups hurt, but so does outgrowing your own life. Choose growth.

5. Rest is productive. Hustle culture is a lie.

In your 20s, you’re sold this idea that grinding 24/7 unlocks success. But the older you get, the more you realize:

Burnout is not a personality trait.

There’s nothing cute about:

• being exhausted all the time

• bragging about no days off

• grinding yourself into bone-dry dust

• confusing “busy” with “successful”

Your brain works better when you rest.

Your creativity is sharper when you rest.

Your goals become clearer when you rest.

Rest is a strategy — not a weakness.

6. Love isn’t supposed to feel like an emotional obstacle course.

The relationships you chase in your 20s?

Whew. Many of them feel like full-time jobs with unpaid overtime.

But real, healthy love — the kind that lasts, strengthens, and stabilizes you — feels different.

It feels like:

• safety

• consistency

• accountability

• reciprocity

• peace

Not anxiety.

Not confusion.

Not "performing" for validation.

Love is not supposed to wear you out.

Healthy love softens you, not breaks you.

7. You are allowed to outgrow the identity you built for survival.

Many of us learn to survive before we learn to live.

We become:

• the strong friend,

• the fixer

• the people-pleaser,

• the overachiever,

• the peacekeeper,

• the caretaker,

• the “I’ll handle it” person.

These identities were armor — necessary at the time. But once you’re safe, you’re allowed to put them down.

You’re allowed to redefine who you are without apologizing to the version of you who didn’t know any better.

8. Money doesn’t make you smart or superior — it gives you options.

The biggest financial truth I wish I had learned sooner:

Money is not the goal. Freedom is.

In your 20s, money feels like everything — a status symbol, a flex, a measuring stick.

But as you grow, money becomes more about:

• time freedom

• location freedom

• emotional freedom

• lifestyle freedom

• being able to say “no” without losing security

Money won’t heal you, fix you, or change your worth.

But it will change your options — and that’s priceless.

9. Confidence comes from keeping the promises you make to yourself.

Confidence is not something you “discover.”

It’s something you build — one tiny kept promise at a time.

You get confident when you:

• follow through

• stay consistent

• trust your own word

• invest in yourself

• stop abandoning your goals

• show up even when you’re tired or scared

Your 20s tell you that confidence is about looks.

But real confidence is about reliability — self-reliability.

When you trust YOU, everything shifts.

10. You won’t miss what’s meant for you — but you WILL miss what you don’t pursue.

Life is not a race, but it is intentional.

You’re not behind.

You’re not late.

You’re not off track.

What’s meant for you does not disappear —

but it does require courage.

Dreams don’t chase people.

You chase them.

You don’t need perfect timing.

You need motion.

And the best part?

You can start at any age, any season, any stage of life — including right now.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Late. You’re Learning.

Life makes more sense when you stop judging yourself for not knowing things you had no way of knowing at the time.

Your 20s were the training ground.

Your 30s and 40s are the glow-up years.

Your future is the prize.

You’re evolving.

You’re clarifying.

You’re becoming.

And now? You’re doing it with wisdom you earned the hard way — but you earned it.

So here we are.

And honestly?

You’re right on time.